the eleventh hour.

On March 29, 2019 By blsh1 Comment

When I write love poems it feels like they belong to some wild combination of every lover I’ve ever had and those I’ve yet to meet or even imagine. I’ve been thinking about it, and I believe this has a lot to do with my Venus in Sagittarius in the 11th House with Scorpio on the cusp. The planet Venus of course ruling our love and relationships, sits in Sagittarius in my chart. Sagittarius being the fiery archer who shoots first and asks questions later, led by a higher faith and devotion, sometimes to a fault. Both the student and teacher, Venus in Sagittarius has molded me into a lover of learning, expansion and growth in all forms of relationship. Sagittarius trusts and embodies it’s truth, knowing embarking on a voyage in the basis of that truth will always be a journey worth taking.

It all lives in my 11th House. The 11th House is ruled by Aquarius. The house of the collective, friendship, innovation. It is a house of our highest hopes and biggest dreams. It shelters our wishes before flinging them forward into the world in vibrant anticipation. It’s the house that reminds us of the importance of how we are all interconnected. Mix that with Scorpio in the 11th house and it becomes an intense, transformative desire for deep relationships/friendships, trying to fulfill an emotional depth (but after deep self-reflection I’ve realized this is a depth I can only fill myself).

When I reflect on my poetry and try to pinpoint it to one person, it’s hard to do. I can be inspired by a particular situation, but once the words come out it’s like they weave through the spiralic timeline of my life, reaching out and caressing each soul who has ever touched my life and ever will. I am grateful for this expansive view of love. I am curious as to where it is leading my adventurous heart next.

How closely have you looked at the planets/placements in your chart? In what ways do they act as your muses, informing your creativity?

The next 11 poems/prose range from 2015 to now in no particular order. I didn’t pick that number by the way. It just ended up being that many I chose to share. Love it. (11:11). This is a glimpse into what my heart looks like in evolution. Ever changing. Thank you.

You break my heart always

at the same time of year

the delicate in between

of winter and spring

spring buds and blooms

winter frosts and consumes

it’s a war

that I can no longer bare to watch

I know the warmth is coming

I am tired of having to learn this way

come speak in stars with me

our mouths housing entire constellations

planets dripping from our tongues

where every word echoes

of some distant universe,

pulling us into its gravity

how could I communicate

with you

in any other way

than through the heavens

It’s always a mourning process.

A morning,

process.

Purging you from my bed.

I see no trace of you

on the white linen

But I feel remnants of you

within the threads.

You see
I am trying to forget

every smile,
your lips slightly tugging at the corners of your mouth
every freckle,
I counted when you laid asleep next to me
every brush of fingertips
when we reached for the same thing

When did we stop reaching for the same thing?

You see
I am trying to forget

the lights reflecting off river water
how your hands shook
until they met my waist
the way you pushed your hair back
just slightly out of your face

You see
I am trying to forget

all the ways you said I love you
be it in this alphabet or another

You see
I am trying to remember

how beautiful I am
how the curves of my body never need to meld again to yours
for me to feel love

You see
I am trying to remember

how gentle I am with lovers hearts
and how rough I’ve been with my own
I’m asking for it to forgive me

You see
I am trying to remember

what I deserve
how to center myself
how I am full

I didn’t depend on you,
I just simply wanted
you

I ask,
“When did it stop?”
“Where did it go?”
You tell me you do not know

And I too,
wish I couldn’t recall

In my eyes,
everything is short term.

My existence is less than
a quick glance between forbidden lovers.

But I remember standing by the river,
laughing in between kisses,
bodies slightly shivering
from a midnight summer breeze,
or maybe just nerves.

Meeting you,
standing next to you,
laughing with you,
kissing you,
holding you,

has made me believe in infinity.

Straddling your lap, your hand in my hair, breath hot, your laugh, my smirk, color rising to my cheeks. That is when you tasted sweet. We were ripe for love. Now we sit on opposite ends of the couch, rotting.

Looking back on it, I should’ve squeezed my thighs around your head harder. I never caused you nearly as much pain as I did pleasure. But you paid me back in both.

I like boys who taste like winter.
his fingertips venture across my exposed skin.
with each touch, I feel a chill, a spark,
a bite.
he makes the tip of my nose pink and the color rise in my cheeks.
he whispers, you are not delicate.
I wonder how he knows, but I do not need to wonder long.
because winter is harsh, unyielding,
callous.
yet here I am, waiting.
the next avalanche will come.
it will not bury me.
he’s right, I am not delicate; I have conjured storms too.
there are worlds within ourselves that the other must never touch,
but we do so anyway.
enveloping each other in brumal wrath,
bare skinned,
bare boned.
I fear we may shatter when we touch.
and then,
like an early spring melts the soiled snow,
his lips soften when they mold to mine.
and I
feel
warm.

holding you is like the fluttering of tired eyelids

light

and heavy, all at once

an irresistible surrender I can’t help giving into

together, we dream

together, we create

entire worlds neither of us could’ve imagined alone

when I wake I fear I will not remember,

so half asleep I reach for you,

instinctively you pull me closer

I can hear you

humming in your sleep,

whispering my name

over & over & over & over

I think to myself,

“no, no,

I could never forget this”

10.

I love the way you lure the laughter out of my mouth.

a symphonic composition,

you tell me, “this is a soundtrack we could build a life to.”

with the slightest movement of your hand you conduct the desire through me.

I follow you, in time, matching heartbeat to heartbeat.

how long until it stops?

“shhh,” you whisper as if you’ve read my mind.

you probably have.

“stay, here in it, with me.”

I nod, I smile,

here comes that laughter again.

my entire being shouting,

encore,

encore.

11.

I’m not sure what Heaven is like

but I imagine

it’s reminiscent of the way you’d quietly open my bedroom door,

shedding all your winter layers

in the effervescent glow of my television.

slipping under the sheets,

curving your body around mine.

your longing for me

pouring out of your skin.

a sacred transference.

an eternal unity.

a primordial inner calling,

much older than us, taking over.

unable to sense any separation,

we’d ascend as a soulful ensemble

in a loving, all-knowing safety.

I imagine Heaven

is something like that.

blood moon revelations.

On January 22, 2019 By blshLeave a comment

Sunday night we experienced a full moon lunar eclipse in Leo. This eclipse ended the Leo-Aquarius eclipse cycle that began in February 2017. With this eclipse came the culmination and release of so many seemingly never ending stories/relationships/habits/attachments that began/reignited/came to light over the past two years. It’s finally time to move forward in our narrative; a different narrative.

Guided by this eclipse tarot template by moonandcactus, I did a reading for myself today to see what the super blood wolf moon is calling forth in me. I use ‘I’ but mostly ‘You’ in my interpretation. Although the reading is personally for me, I feel it may resonate with some of you. Even if it doesn’t, it may still do you good to read it.

Do you feel the shift?

1. How can I be my most authentic self?

The Lovers

Soooooulfulness. I am Venusian to my core, to a fault. No shame. Haven’t always felt no shame about it, but I do now. The path to authenticity is rooted in our choices. The decisions we make must are guided by our hearts. I do myself no favors when I ignore the voice that originates within the beating, rhythmic muscle in my chest. My life force. All decisions from now on should be made in a place where the heart is open, arms are outstretched, and palms are ready to receive. This is Me. I see Me in You. Love for another is self-love. Self-love is love for another. Mirrors. It always comes back around to this.

More love.

These words repeated themselves endlessly in my mind as I meditated today to the sound of the pacific ocean. I could feel them vibrate through my body like a heartbeat itself.

More love.

I realized I’ve heard them before. From the mouth of an incredible poet, Yrsa Daley-Ward. It’s a simple, two word mantra, and it’s a Powerful, all-encompassing choice. A choice to Be Love.

2. How can I get in better touch with my unique gifts?

Nine of Pentacles (Reversed)

Stop spending your resources on things that will never Fulfill you. Material caters to the ego. Stop enslaving yourself. It’s leaving you empty when you are anything but. You have a treasure trove INSIDE of You. There is nothing you need to acquire to go within. There you will find a master key. Unlock your destiny. Let your yourself blossom abundantly, endlessly. Stop blocking your blessings. Shine.

3. What is currently coming to fruition?

Ten of Wands

Burdens. You’ve carried them for a long time. For what? It’s true, it’s made you stronger. You can bare more than you ever thought possible. But ask yourself, is that necessary at the present moment? Or are most of your burdens, your anxieties, actually imagined stressors that stem from an unhealed place? An unhealed place that’s looking to sabotage your inner peace? Ah. Yes. You are seeing clearer now. Sitting up straighter. Breathing in deeper. There’s a lightness to it. Feels good doesn’t it? All that weight, sliding right off your back.

4. What aspects of my life need more courage?

The Fool

Leap. Go. Run. Now. What did I say before? Everything is shifted. You’ve been feeling it for a while now, but now you Know. Things are different now. You can begin again. You’ve always been able to, you just haven’t believed it. This is the start of a new story. The impossible seems just as likely as any other logical outcome now, and that’s because it is. Trust this. Bravely lean into your deepest desires and choose actions that stay true to the path you’ve committed to. The present moment calls. It’s time to answer.

5. What is lurking within the darkness?

Three of Wands

Be patient. Much is happening around you. Your uniqueness delights and attracts new energies into your space. Remain focused on your goals. Revel in the Wildness of the Universe and Connection. Flow in it if you like, but do not become so swayed you let others move you away from your End Game. Yes, dreams change, goals change, paths change. Yes, yes, yes. But deep down, you will know when a real change of course vibes with you, and when actually it’s someone looking to influence your mind. Remain connected and tuned into your heart above all. Let no one’s influence, presence or absence control you.

6. Step needed to release it.

Death

Transformation. This comes as no surprise. We must embrace the complete death of who we were in order to be what we’ll become. You are ready for so much more. Endings no longer scare you, because you know they’re followed by beginnings (The Fool). Look at the red on the Moon. See how it washes Her clean. The shadow passes and it’s as if She is the brightest she has ever been. This is true of you, too. Divine feminine. A Goddess risen from the ashes of mortality. You can only level up if you’re willing to walk into the flames. Go forward.

7. Message from the lunar eclipse.

Wheel of Fortune (Reversed)

Closure. Time and time again it has felt like the wheel was spinning, and every time you thought it landed on what was supposed to be Destiny—it wasn’t. One false prophet after another, it’s been tiresome. But how much of that disappointment has been from your own attachment to your expectations? Were you really closing your eyes, in full faith and letting the wheel spin? Or did you have one eye open, manipulating where it would stop? We both know the answer to this question. It does not have to be this way anymore. You trust now. Forgive yourself for falsifying realities in the past to make a Fate that fit a lie perpetuated by your ego. Now, when you spin the wheel, let it land where it wills. Detach. Know you cannot control this. Feel the peace that comes with giving it up to God. There is an intricate alchemy at work here. It’s in your favor. Love it into existence.

And so it is.

all lunar & love.

On July 24, 2018July 24, 2018 By blshLeave a comment

You are all lunar & love,
and all I want is to
bask in the glow of it.

But all you give me
is an eclipse.

I wrote that poem this time last year (July 20, 2017 to be exact). It felt fitting for this post–an eclipse poem for an eclipse reading. The total lunar eclipse in Aquarius on July 27, 2018 will be the longest lunar eclipse of the century. Eclipse energy is always intense, but the longest one in 100 years? Might just be worth noting. We already had a partial solar eclipse in Cancer on July 12, 2017. Cancer season always comes with stirred up emotions, but this past season was particularly volatile concerning home, family and our closest companionships. Many of you have probably had thoughts of leaving certain situations. Perhaps contemplating a new job, changing cities, leaving a relationship or friendships. What your heart is telling you to leave behind, leave it. Eclipses bring endings, irrevocable changes, sudden departures & the like. While all of these things sound daunting (and let’s not lie to ourselves, they are), they are forging a new path for you, one that serves you in the highest. We’re leveling the hell up people. Get ready.

So how can we make the most out of this Blood Moon? There are already plenty of wonderful articles out on the web about what it means for this eclipse in Aquarius. The internet is full of amazing astrologers graciously sharing their knowledge of common themes we’ll be experiencing. So what I wanted to share with you is a tarot reading about what we need to leave behind, what we need to take with us & the overall feeling we may experience after this total lunar eclipse. I pulled a card from the Morgan-Greer tarot for each of these questions. Then I pulled a card from John Holland’s Psychic Tarot for the Heart for an encouraging message we can meditate upon during this time of rapid change. I hope it is something you can carry with you as the effects of the eclipse unfold over the next 6 months.

What do we need to leave behind right now?

IV – The Emperor
“A mature man with conviction and the ability to execute plans and ideas. He maintains an overview of all situations with stability, control, and reason.” – Moran-Greer Tarot

Sounds like a dude that’s really got it together right? Well, forget about him. During eclipse season, embodying the Emperor is resistance to what will actual serve you–which is change. To embrace change we need to release the need to control, the impulse for order, the desire to plan and take the responsible route. It doesn’t mean we need to run around turning our lives on their heads, but it does mean we need to not only expect the unexpected but embrace it willingly. The chaotic energy of eclipse season does not sit well with the Emperor. He is sure of his future, of his plans and how to execute them swiftly. But the structure the Emperor in all of us craves is lost to us right now. There is a time and place for the secure energy the Emperor offers, but this is not it. Our paths have shifted, shifting our goals, plans and strategy to get where we thought we wanted to be. We must be willing to break out of rigidity and embrace the freedom this shift is allowing us. We are not stuck. We are the complete opposite. Do not fall back into the confines of order the Emperor tempts you into because it feels “safe.” Instead of being fearful, be grateful, be curious and boldly lean into the transformation you’ve been gifted.

What do we need to take with us into this new phase of life?

III – The Empress
“Wife, mother, companion. Through warmth and devotion, she brings pleasure and comfort to her loved ones. Finds practical application and purposes for ideas.” – Moran-Greer Tarot

I just have to say I find it interesting (& a little funny) that I pulled the consort card of The Emperor for the complete polar opposite question I was asking. Duality man, it’s wild. Anyway! The Empress… Divine femininity, ruled by Venus, an emblem of fertility, generosity and abundance. What I want you to bring with you is your open, soft nature. If you are not someone who is tapped into this, work on accessing it. The Empress is associated with the Heart Chakra. Open yours. To thrive in a time where so much feels uncertain, we must remain open wholeheartedly. This will allow us the flexibility needed to prosper on a new path, and continue our journey to our highest good, our purpose, our “Personal Legend.” Trust the Empress within yourself to provide you with the emotional strength and security needed to get through this. Use her warm energy to help you guide others who are not so sure of themselves.

What describes the overall emotional state/feeling we may experience?

Five of Pentacles
“Spiritual warmth comforts those suffering financial or physical hardship.” – Moran-Greer Tarot

No matter how you shape it, this card means hardship of some sort. Be it money, career, home or in your personal relationships, there is a loss you are currently facing. It is difficult to let go of something, but letting go is a choice. Often with Five of Pentacles something was taken. We feel as if we were given no time to prepare. No time to choose to let go. I say “we feel as if” we weren’t given time to prepare because the truth is we are equipped to deal with the hardship to come. We may not want to, but we can. How? Through supporting each other. Not only do we need to lean into the new direction the Universe is pulling us in, we need to lean on each other. Express your confusion, fear, anxiety, excitement. The spiritual journey is a personal one, yes, but it does not have to be a lonely one. If you feel isolated, I want you to know I am your companion in this. I humbly ask you to honor me by trusting me enough to lean on me when you need it. And, I hope you will do the same for me.

What message overall can we trust during this time, to lift us, when we need it most?

6 – Love
“…Are you coming from a place of love? It’s important to empathize, remain nonjudgmental, and love people for who they are. The same applies to your relationship with yourself. There’s an opportunity now to bring your being into a harmonious whole. Forgive your faults and rejoice in your perfect uniqueness… Are you choosing to have people in your life who support and empower you? Surround yourself only with those who encourage and sustain you, and who push or guide you to be all that you truly can be. This will help you value yourself and raise your vibration to that of unconditional love.” – John Holland, Psychic Tarot for the Heart

Eclipses are a time when the past recycles into our present. With so many planets already in retrograde, and Mercury about to station retrograde on July 26, people and situations from our past are popping up left and right. This isn’t coincidental or without purpose. It’s karmic energy, pulling up chords we’ve left uncut. Who/what are we still attached to that is toxic for us? Do not get me wrong. I don’t believe everyone in your past should always stay there. Sometimes the past cycles around to show us how WE were toxic. What behaviors have we exhibited that we need to recognize? How can we do it differently this time? Trust your intuition to be able to differentiate between something toxic/draining, and something that, while it may make you uncomfortable, is actually pushing you to a higher vibration. Be kind with yourself as you investigate these relationships, especially the one with yourself. Forgive yourself. Release what/who does not nourish your soul. Be happy, thankful and openly grateful to those who are. Unconditional love is not in short supply. If we can learn to release the fears & insecurities that cause us to put limits, conditions and ties on our love, we can finally realize & accept unconditional love is abundant within ourselves and others. Express it to those who’ve wronged you by forgiving them and letting them go. Express it to those who you know are in your life to cherish & support you. Let them know you are there to meet and love them where they are at. You are there to walk beside them as they journey to where their heart calls them to go.

Anytime I do a reading I always feel there is so much more deeper to go. But I am going to leave you with this. Truly, it’s just as much as up to your interpretation as it is mine. Even if this resonates with just one person, that’s enough. Also, any additional interpretation/feedback is always, always welcome.

By releasing the rigidity of past expectations held by the Emperor within us, we embrace and nurture the new path laid before us comforted by the loving, warm energy of our Empress. This provides us with the strength and light needed to navigate a time of hardship, loss and inevitable change (Five of Pentacles). We do it all from a place of eternal Love. And so it is.

b.l.s.h

Tag: aquarius

the eleventh hour.

blood moon revelations.

all lunar & love.