11:11

Remember as a kid you would catch 11:11 on a clock and make a wish? I used to do it a all the time in school, but couldn’t say I’d caught much of it lately. Just every once in a blue moon I’d glance over at a clock and smile at the 4 repeating numbers. It’s been a different story for the past ten days. For the past ten days, every day I have caught 11:11. On my cell phone, on a wall clock, on my laptop, on my work device–doesn’t matter what it’s on or where I am, I catch it. The first few days I didn’t think anything of it. Just figured it was a happy coincidence. A cute little reminder of what it felt like to be young, to wish and believe it would happen. But what I failed to recognize immediately is that it was less of a coincidence and more of a deliberate sign.

I haven’t posted in two months. I haven’t written in two months. I’ve been dealing with some issues that completely took my attention away from my creativity. That was my first mistake. No matter what happens in life–the weird mishaps, the unexpected turns, the devastating realizations–never let them take you away from your passion. Promise yourself that, because in your passion, in what you love is where you belong. You draw strength from it just by pursuing it and when you have that, you can face any of the strange unanticipated things that happen. I had forgotten that. But I remember now.

In numerology, angel numbers specifically, 1111 has a meaning. I didn’t know the meaning, but when the Universe throws it in your face for almost two weeks, you find out. 1111 means you’re manifesting what you want and you’re manifesting it quickly. The Universe is on your side with bringing your thoughts into actuality. For those of you familiar with tarot, think of The Magician (card number 1). Even if you’re not familiar with tarot, the Magician is a card of action, success & innovation. He can bring things into fruition with his magic, but only when he commits to what he really wants. The Magician encourages us to focus on what ignites our passion and will it into life before our eyes.

So what the hell does any of this have to do with me? Or you, as a matter of fact, because I am writing this for you just as much as I am writing it for myself. 1111 tells us that we are powerful. We are constantly creating our reality. When we have thoughts, be they positive or negative, be they spoken or kept inside, we are putting that energy out there. We are always manifesting, and when we do it that it is critical for us to focus on what we desire, not what we fear. Manifesting from our fears, our insecurities, is what creates our disappointment, our heartache. It brings out those destructive repetitive patterns because we haven’t learned to come from a place of positivity, hope, light.

It sounds easy enough, doesn’t it? It should be easy to come from a positive place when it comes to attracting what we want most in life. So what makes it so difficult?

The belief that we don’t deserve it. I’ve earned, I’ve been given and I have created incredible opportunities in this life so far. Yet at times, now especially, I struggle greatly with believing I deserve good things. I doubt myself. I feel insecure. I feel small. I feel shame. I feel like I’m not enough. I question everyone’s motives. I question myself. I dream of the wildest, most wonderful things. I imagine the most generous, kindest, grandest, enduring of loves. But why would it actually happen for me?

Well, it will happen. Because I am worth it, and you are worth it too. It will happen because we want it to. We will it to. We wish it to, and both consciously & subconsciously we will take the steps to achieve it.

11:11.

I want you to believe you deserve good things. I want you to have the courage to go after them. I want you to know that your desires are calling out to you just as loud as you are calling out to them. And when we both finally get to where we are meant to be (where we deserve to be), we will smile and laugh about how we thought it would never happen.

Here.

I once asked a man to tell me something. Anything. It was one of those times where I asked just because I wanted to hear him talk. Mostly because I liked the sound of his voice, but I also knew whatever he said would put my heart in my throat (in the good way). Laying down together, my head nuzzled in his neck, hand on his chest, he spoke softly to me: “While waiting for the elevator to come up here, I read on the map: ‘You are here.’ and I thought, ‘Yeah I am, and I’m happy to be.’”

Instinctively, I felt myself clutch him tighter, as if somehow holding him closer meant I could find that sort of peace and clarity too—the joy of just being here. No worrying in the future or fretting about the past I couldn’t change. I wanted nothing more than to just be right there. Here. Then. Now.

Turns out he said a lot of lovely things, and it still didn’t work out. Artists do that to you. I’m guilty of it too. But every time I see the words, ‘You Are Here’ on a map, I’m reminded of that feeling. The way his presence—being Here—brought me there too. I am reminded of my own breath. I breath in and think, “Yes, I am here and I’m happy to be,” and breathe out with gratitude.

One of my favorite passages on love & intimacy is from “Enchanted Love” by Marianne Williamson. She equates the people who come ready to transform/love us as angels. We have been angels to people and others have been angels to us. Yet even though we pray for our angels to find us, we (more often than not) do not recognize them when they come. Even worse, we reject them. Mostly because it’s painful to finally get everything you’ve been asking for. It never seems to come at the right time or really look how you pictured it. With great love comes great healing and the challenge of facing your wounds. If you’re someone who’s in denial about having places that need healing, how can you be ready for someone who will expose them to you? You’ve spent all of this time cocooning yourself into a place that’s comfortable, even though it’s not where you want to be. It’s not aligned with your highest good or all that you are capable of. Then someone comes along & says if you continue to stay there then you cannot have what you want—real authentic love, rooted in mutual healing and forgiveness. But all of our trust issues and trauma keep us from believing them. It’s the past and the future which hold us down. We don’t trust because of what’s happened to us before. We don’t trust because of what could happen to us down the road. But we could trust if we let go. If we detach and trust being Here, we could break the shackles of our past shame, guilt and pain, and banish the thoughts of future downfalls. Rationally it’s understandable to be cautious, but it comes at the expense of magic—which is exactly what opening yourself up to love is. Give up your need to control it.

“The miracle of love is expressed through other people… They contain, in every touch and sigh, the information you need, the miraculous power to alchemize your weaknesses and turn them into strengths… And you continue to pray for what you’ve already received, and will one day realize that what you let fly by was a miracle intended to heal you. You might even say so but by then it will probably be too late.

Angels do not light for long; they fly away when love denies them. They do not linger in the regions of earthly fear…

Next time she comes—whoever she is—perhaps you will not deny her. Next time she comes, be humble before God. Next time she comes, admit your pain. Next time she comes, come forth yourself. Next time she comes, let go your resistance.

Next time she comes, be brave.”

– Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love

So I am calling on you to recognize your angel. BE someone’s angel. Trust in the timing of people’s comings and goings. Appreciate who they were, who they are and who they will be. Genuine connections exist only to serve us positively. Let yourself be carried away by the poetry of the improbable (because it’s never impossible). Be present and trust the process, because You. Are. Here.

for those who I owe thanks.

I am thankful for your magic. I am thankful for the way you look at me. The way your fingers feel when they caress my face. I am thankful for your heart. For the way it makes your body glow, beating, living, breathing inside of your rib cage, dying to burst out. When you press your chest up against mine, I am thankful for the way our breath falls into sync. It is primordial. Ancient. Sacred.

I am thankful for you. I am thankful for her. I am thankful for him. I am thankful for the way my mother raised me—to be kind, to be patient, to be wild, to have faith and to be hopeful that everything is working out. Yes, it’s working out. Because sitting right here, right now, what you may be thinking is your heart has such a long way to go. Yeah maybe, maybe.

But maybe it’s all good. Maybe yeah, you’ve still got such a fucking mountain to climb, but so what? Right now, you’re at the base and you have everybody cheering you on. Everybody here is holding a banner with your name on it, saying you’re going to make it the summit. You’re gonna make it to the top.

I am thankful for knowing how to love. For wanting to love, despite all of the times I have stroked the face of love with nothing but compassion and trust, only to have it bite my hand. I am thankful for knowing you. And I mean, knowing you, every inch of you, and the way that knowing you in that way is unique. Unique to any other way than any other person will ever know you, until your bones have gone from this earth.

I am thankful for the revolutionaries. The ones braver, stronger than me. The ones who look at me and lift me up, knowing that I am capable of more and push me to be more. I love you for saying what the world could be and having what it takes to make it happen. You inspire me. I am thankful to be human on this planet we call Earth, and to be surrounded by the entire Universe, to be able to know exactly what that means but also at a loss to understand. To know that it is magic, it is wonder, because magic never died. Magic is all around us. It is the way I feel when I lock eyes with a stranger that somehow I already know, somehow I’ve seen, time, and time again.

So, thank you for being a part of all of this. For being human, for being credible, unique, caring and kind. Thank you for being unforgettable and irreplaceable.

And if nobody’s told you yet today, I love you. I love you. You have changed my life.

earth. air. water. fire.

What better way to celebrate Halloween than with a Tarot reading!? For those of you who don’t have much knowledge about Tarot, here is a basic description of the deck: Tarot has the Major Arcana and the Minor Arcana. The Minor Arcana are split into four suits which are associated with the four elements; pentacles (earth), swords (air), cups (water) and wands (fire). The Major Arcana are probably the cards you’re most familiar with/used to seeing in pop culture when Tarot is mentioned, like The Fool, Death, The Devil, The Lovers, etc. Today I did an exercise where I split the four suits and Major Arcana up. I pulled from each of the individual decks to answer these five questions:

  1. What does my body (pentacles/earth) need?
  2. What does my mind (swords/air) need?
  3. What does my heart (cups/water) need?
  4. What does my inner fire (wands/fire) need?
  5. What is the overarching theme (Major Arcana) of my life?

It was a really fun, enlightening reading. Readings like these are a great way to get to know the deck more because you get one of each suit. I started reading Tarot on my own in January, but I still feel new to it. Each time I do a reading for myself or someone else, the cards reveal themselves to me in a fresh & unique way. This is also an easy spread for anyone who’s a beginner. Below is my own analysis of my reading. However, I’d love to hear any interpretations others may have, or if you try it yourself I’d love to know the results of your own reading (if you’re open to sharing)!

What does my body need?
Six of Pentacles.

            Associated with Moon in Taurus, 6 of Pentacles speaks to our possessions. It can often denote that money is coming. It could be an inheritance, award or a gift. Much like how a person with Moon in Taurus craves security through stable material wealth, a nest egg, the 6 of Pentacles shows something coming that will help you achieve that stability for your future. As Liz Dean writes, it’s a card that “brings genuine support.”

Knowing this & knowing I asked about what my body needs, the message I gather is my body needs to be treated as a gift. For the majority of my life, I was cruel to my body. Over the past few years, especially with the growth of the body positivity movement, I’ve learned to be kinder to myself. That’s not to say I don’t still have issues with my body dysmorphia. But lately, any fitness goals I have for myself come from a place of love. Instead of wanting to be smaller, I want to be stronger. Instead of wanting to be beautiful, I want to have a healthy glow. Instead of wanting someone else’s body, I want to want mine, as it is and for what it will be.

My body’s abilities enable me to live the blessed life I do have. These feet travel the world and my eyes see the wonders of it. My ears hear the laughter of my loved ones, and my mouth tells them how much I love them when they need to hear it most. My body will someday bear a child, and to that child this body will be home, like the arms of my mother are for me. The love I put into my body is the love it will award back to me. What a miracle. I vow to treat these bones & flesh as such.

What does my mind need?
Four of Swords.

            The 4 of Swords calls for rest. To say this year (especially since the eclipse in August) has been challenging would be an understatement. The 4 of Swords knows what you’ve been through, and it asks you to give yourself time to recuperate.

In regards to what my mind needs, the Linestrider Tarot says, “There will be battles in the future but you must take time to mend, sharpen and recover… Create space to think, dream, and heal while taking a break from the thoughts and demands of others.” This card isn’t hard to interpret. Quite literally, I need to quiet my mind, convalesce and give myself some self-care and solitude. All of this will aid me in building a sturdier foundation–a clear mind to make important life decisions approaching me.

Also fun fact: 4 of Swords is astrological association is Jupiter in Libra, which is actually my Jupiter placement! (If you haven’t calculated your birth chart yet, I highly suggest looking into it. Also feel free to contact me to discuss it!)

What does my heart need?
Seven of Cups.

            I am a dreamer, and my heart is prone to illusions and fantasy. With my Venus placement in Sagittarius, the fiery Archer, I shoot first and think later. Nowhere is too far and no one is out of my reach. Grand gestures are my favorite thing to give and receive. Love conquers all and so will we. I go big or go home with my affections, and to be honest… Lately, it hasn’t served me well. As the Linestrider Tarot reads, “The 7 of Cups celebrates the dreamer who is able to see the possibilities and excitement as well as difficulties in the future… What area of your life needs less illusion and more action?” It’s a card about the dangerous of too much fantasy, of grand illusions. Linestrider also warns that this card appears to warn us of a certain blindness we may have toward our own faults and unrealistic expectations.

My heart has had many expectations, and the expectations it has often don’t align with what the people it chooses to pursue are willing to give. What does my heart need? To reflect, to look inward and see the illusions it’s built up around romantic love and around certain people. This doesn’t mean to stop being a dreamer or a romantic. It’s asking me to stop standing in my own way. I can’t appreciate the beauty of reality because I’m so stuck on the delusion of a fantasy. In what ways have I failed myself and others in love? How can I improve myself to attract the love I desire? How can I learn to act from a place of unconditional love and not fear? I need to stop putting people on pedestals they never asked to be on and blaming them when they fall off. I need to see things as they are, feel them as they are and work with that to manifest the relationship that’s aligned with my highest good.

What does my inner fire need?
Ace of Wands.

            An ace starts the suit. It’s the beginning. The singular. The one. The message here is clear: my inner fire needs a jumpstart, a jolt, fuel to set it ablaze again. My inner fire was smothered, extinguished by complacency. It’s true, I am happy where I am at in life–proud even. But I want more, and I need more. I fantasize about the goals I have for myself, but where is the inspiration? The drive? Where is the ignition I need to actually catapult me into getting there?

Ace of Wands answers. It says all of the positive energy I need to create change surrounds me and now is the time to harness it. There is a certain enthusiasm that comes with the Ace of Wands. Being that it is linked with beginnings, it’s almost childlike. Which is often what we need to go after our dreams–a childlike innocence unafraid and uninhibited by our past failures. Ace of Wands is astrologically associated with all the fire signs in the zodiac, who love to say, “What better time than now?” I couldn’t agree more.

What is the overarching theme of my life?
The World.

            Okay, well. Duh. As a person who feels at home on planes and in airports, trapped at the thought of being (physically) grounded for too long, elated at the idea of being thrown into a new place to discover alone and a flight attendant who makes an actual living bouncing from city to city, hotel bed to hotel bed… Of course it’s The World.

The World is the final card in the Major arcana, number 21 (also not for nothing, my FAVORITE number is 21. This card is also astrologically associated with Saturn, which is of course, my most dominant planet. Can you tell this card is perfect for me? ANYWAYS!…). It’s an extremely positive card, flowing with joyful, victorious and successful energies. It denotes traveling, completion, achieving milestones and being recognized publicly for it.

While all of these things are wonderful and I feel grateful for having them as themes relating to my life, there is one meaning that resonates most with me. It’s a card that indicates benefitting from “living more mindfully and from the heart.” Since I started exploring my spirituality more, starting in late 2016, I’ve been on an upward trajectory. Don’t get me wrong; some really horrible things have happened since. I’ve been set back many times. I’ve been betrayed, hurt, abandoned and lied to; but my approaches to all of these challenges have evolved completely because I’m evolving.

The World outside of us reflects the World inside of us. Being on a journey of self-discovery keeps me positive, hopeful and always receptive to learning more. With confidence and gratitude, I will happily take on all the World lays out in front of me.

So, what do you need?

 

Photo by: Britt Juravich

You.

From the moment I saw Prince Charming kiss Snow White awake, I began to imagine You. In the dimly lit living room, the bright glow of the television screen lit up my face the way the thought of You lit up my heart. I didn’t know You then. Twenty years later and I still don’t know You. Maybe I do, but if so I’m unaware of it at the present moment. You are someone I’ve spent years constructing in my head, but at the same time I know You exist. At the same time, as much as I’d like to think I dreamed You up, I know with how wild and wonderful You are, there’s no way to pinpoint all that makes you You. You are what happens when someone meets everything (both incredible & terrible) in life with pure love—an infinite optimist, a soulful light.

Truth is, I can think day in and day out about You and what I think You will be like. But I know that when You finally show up, You will be all of that, none of that, and so much more. You are the unexpected and the familiar. You bring me healing, but You also need it from me. You hurt, I hurt. I forgive, You forgive. And when we grow, we grow together, not apart.

You tell me you like the way my mind works. You wake me up with fresh coffee. You love the way it feels when I run my hands through your hair. My mother adores You. You call me by my last name sometimes. You eat the vanilla side of half-moon cookies because You know I only want the chocolate. You play me that one song that never fails to make you cry. I cry too. You fantasize with me about all of the places we’ll go, and You start a change jar so we can get there someday. You see us as an adventure. You see us as effortless. You see our love as a way to breathe positivity and generosity into the world. Above all, You are honest with me.

You are honest with me. 

You are honest with me, and You know I would rather hear the ugliest truths fall from your mouth than the prettiest lies. You are everything—everything wonderful the Universe could think up.

I am a wanderer by profession & by nature. Each step is one closer to You. You could be seconds away, or decades. I don’t know when You will find me or I you. But when You do, You will know. And when I wander, You will not shy away. You will follow, proudly and happily, falling into step beside me where You belong.

I am a romantic, and I have been romancing You from the moment I could pick up a pen and write a rhyme. I write about You constantly. You are my favorite subject, and I am Yours. I can’t wait to meet You. Be it for the first time or once again.

for you. for me.

There are still so many ways in which I need to be more gentle and honest with myself. As much as I want to be better, to do better, to feel better, I still seek out things I know will hurt me. I’m guilty of buying into the lie that it’s easier confirm my own pain and trauma than to challenge it. This, of course, is an illusion. There is nothing easy about living in a loop of what’s damaged you and broken your trust, your spirit. But there is also nothing easy about breaking out of that loop. 

When we do confront our pain, the most common and intrusive thought is: what if we we’re not strong enough to fight it? But if we let fear paralyze us and we don’t get to the root of it, pain just grows deeper, winding vines around your veins and twisting knots into your stomach. When a wound roots inside of you it radiates out, finding its way into every little thing you do. It becomes a constant hum in the background. You almost forget it’s there—almost. I forgot it, until you ran your fingertips across my skin. Instead of feeling you, wonderful, glowing, magical you, I felt the hands of everyone who has carved out a piece of me and left.

Then again, what if we are strong enough? Let’s say we succeed in facing what digs at us. We embrace it, accept it and release it. We make room for the good things. We even get some of the good things. What if we do all of that only to relapse back into a behavior, a pattern, a place where all of the hurt comes hurdling back at us? The truth is, it might. This is always a possibility because healing isn’t linear. Going backwards isn’t a sign of failure. It’s temporary, and sometimes weirdly enough, it’s necessary.

Pain of all kinds has been on our minds lately. The pain of trauma, violation, violence, betrayal, powerlessness is all exacerbated by isolation. That is why I’m writing this post tonight. It isn’t long. It isn’t special. It’s not super enlightening. It’s definitely not my most poetic work. I just need you to know right now—especially now—that you are not alone, that I love you. I am willing to face your pain with you, and while I face mine, I hope you are with me. I need you with me. I want you with me. These are words you need to hear right now. These are words I need to hear right now. 

I love you, I love you, I love you.

And I am sorry that so many things are broken. But I believe in you and I believe in me.

And of all these broken things, you and I are not one of them. ❤️

it didn’t happen for a reason.

The belief that everything happens for a reason surrenders your own transformational power. Seeking comfort and reassurance from outside sources is helpful, and often necessary for us as social beings. But to be truly comforted and achieve an inner strength that easily weathers ups and downs, the truth we must recognize is that whatever we learn from a situation we learned it because we actively chose to turn a certain thing into something else entirely.

When I reflect on situations where I felt I was wronged or I perceived as painful, I almost always end all of my thoughts with, “But I’m sure this all happened for a reason, a good reason. In fact, it had to of happened for the best! I had to go through this and come out better for it.”

This belief has always comforted me. That in the vast, ever-expanding, wild Universe, there is this intricate blanket woven by an all-knowing entity, a blanket full of enlightening reasons as to why all things happen, good & bad. We can wrap ourselves up in it when we’re feeling cold and lonely, and trust this was all for our benefit, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

So ranting, as I do, to one of my best friend’s aka Lalie aka light of my life aka soul sister aka an absolute QUEEN, I mentioned how I knew everything that happened had happened for a reason, even if I didn’t understand it yet. But her response surprised me, she said, “I don’t necessarily think everything happens for a reason… It’s a sign of how strong and lovely you are that you take the senseless and make sense of them to become stronger… You are a healer, you take the hurts and transform them.”

And low & behold, my most beloved coping mechanism was shattered, but in its wake she left something I needed so much more: the realization that WE are the ones knitting the intricate blanket of reasons. We create the lesson we need to learn by accessing our own transformational power that’s aligned with our highest good, but we often don’t give ourselves credit for that work. 


You see, no one’s forcing you to be positive about the shitty things that happened to you. No one is forcing you to reconcile & make peace with the shitty things you’ve done to others. You can just as easily never face them and keep at it if you really want to. But every time you do decide to choose positivity, to grow, to forgive, to love—it’s not the Universe enlightening you, it’s you being enlightened to the Universe that has always existed WITHIN you.
We are all healers on some level, even on the most basic biological level. Our bodies will always instinctively try to fix us, to help us survive & keep going. It’s deeply personal to heal, and I’ll admit that one of my biggest problems is I try to force people who don’t want to heal to heal with me. I fixate on people who resist, which always backfires. When they resist I have a habit of picking at their wounds instead of bandaging them up, sealing them with a kiss & sending them on their way.

To break this habit I need to release my obsession with always knowing someone else’s reasons. Their reasons are their own that they’ve chosen, and if they don’t want to share then I don’t need to know. They are knitting their own blanket to keep warm. Just because they do not share it with me doesn’t mean I have to freeze—I have my own. By realizing this, I no longer need to search for reasons outside myself. I no longer crave validation. I step into my power. The alliance of my open heart & highest good transforms things that hurt into things that heal. No one else can do this for you, because no one else knows your heart like you do.

Whatever reason you need, whatever lesson brings you the most peace, it didn’t come because it was fated to. Your peace, your comfort, your closure, your happiness came because you made a choice to have it. You took your pain and loved it into becoming something else entirely. How magical that is and how incredible you are.

light it up.


The minute I step foot into this city I can feel myself basking in the glowy magic that is New Orleans. Glowy, dirty, raw, ethereal magic. I thrive on it. Sipping hot coffee at one of my favorite spots, Café Beignet, I intended to ask my cards what I needed to know today. I had started my morning with an hour and a half long phone conversation with my mom. Talking to her always turns out to be more necessary than I think it is. So if you’re looking for a sign to call your mother, this is it. 

Call your mother.

Anyways, I had just finished explaining to her how much I’ve learned lately, specifically since the eclipse in mid-August. There’s a certain unshakable faith I have in myself that simply wasn’t present before.


If you’re someone who trusts easily and you don’t second guess yourself constantly, I’m proud of you. Seriously, I would like to bake you one of my famous triple chocolate cheesecakes and hang out sometime. I myself come from a world of self-doubt. I feel like I came out of the womb undercutting my own abilities, questioning everything & everyone, assuming their motives and often, assuming the worst. This has led so many times to my own self-destruction. It didn’t matter how much evidence I had that proved I was capable, that I was powerful, that I was already actually in possession of everything I needed to manifest my dreams. This negativity latched itself onto me. The negativity was born from and fed by low self-esteem and a lack of appreciation for who I was; who I am.


Over the past few years, with deep self-reflection, healing and a commitment to self-love no matter what flaws I perceived myself to have, that negativity no longer has a supply to feed off of. Spiritually, mentally and physically I am in the best place I’ve ever been, and by the grace of the Universe, I’m only improving. Financially, I guess I’m okay but I’d be better if I stopped buying SO many new clothes (I’m working on that! Haha… sort of).

So today, in this little café, with my faith in the Universe & head in the clouds I asked, “What do I need to know? What knowledge can I share with the people I love today?” And the Universe said, “You’ve come to an end, yes, but now you are at a new beginning. You are on the type of journey you’ve desired for a long time. In fact, you may not have even known until now how desperately you were searching for it. I will support you on this path. But you already knew that. You knew it because you trust me, and you feel it because you trust yourself. You have the abilities to take action on all you’ve learned. The course has been laid out for you, it’s up to you to travel down it. Begin.”


And I really hope you all just read that in Morgan Freeman’s voice, because that is what I imagined while writing it. So how do I know the Universe said this? Because I pulled the cards: Trust and the King of Wands.

“Trust” in John Holland’s Psychic Tarot for the Heart deck is representative of the Fool in the traditional Rider-Waite deck (the deck you most likely picture when someone mentions tarot). It’s numerological association is zero and it begins the Major Arcana. It’s the start to your journey. It’s feeling young, free, refreshed and invigorated by the thought of what’s to come ahead. Holland writes, “Trusting the Universe takes courage, but it also removes the burden of doing it all on your own… This card is a reminder that positive energy is available to you to manifest what you truly desire… This is a card of action and opportunity… Put aside any fear, disillusionment, frustration or hopelessness and open your heart to what you desire. Do it now with the carefree innocence you had as a child.” 

In conjunction with the King of Wands (who’s astrological associations with Leo actually speak to childlike qualities the Fool alludes to (Leo rules children)), it couldn’t be a more positive message. Wands are the suit of fire. The King of Wands burns brightly. He dazzles and inspires. As Liz Dean writes, “This is the right time to express your ideas and be the individual you are… The practical support you need will be there, but you need to be the initiator. What you do now reflects your truth. Don’t let perfectionism get in the way of your creativity—what you do is more than good enough.”


If this speaks to you, let it. Trust that the Universe supports your plans, but take responsibility for putting them into action. YOU are the King of Wands. You not only possess the passion to chase your wildest dreams, but you have the charisma to inspire others to go after theirs. You’d be doing yourself and everyone else a disservice by resisting this calling. Embrace this new direction. Trust yourself and others. Charge ahead. Light it up.

full stop.

I don’t exactly know how to write this post. All I know is it needs to be short, like the subject itself. It probably won’t be though since I’m coming at this via stream of consciousness. This is a post about closure, about how no one can give it to you but yourself, about how quite literally the rule of ripping off a bandaid applies here as well. Do it quickly, love. Because when closure does come it’s a tidal wave of peace, and it is so familiar because you’ve been here before. You just lost yourself for a moment. But even writing a blog post on closure feels like a hindrance to actually achieving it, which only comes when you finally stop analyzing a situation and accept it for what it is—which is, over. 

Usually I never want it to be over, but it doesn’t matter what I want. What matters is what is, and what is unfolds perfectly. No matter how many mistakes you or I make, what’s supposed to happen happens. No matter how it hurts or how wrong it feels, each step is a step in the right direction. It’s funny though, because even as I write this I have a hard time believing it. I bet you’re struggling too. But I know it’s true and I accept it, and I hope you all do too. Whatever ending your currently dealing with, as long as your heart is in the right place, I promise you it is aligned with your highest good.

Every ending I’ve suffered has led me to a better place. Every ending has by some miracle made me less bitter and more understanding that we’re all just so different. While it is a devastating realization every time, it is beautiful and it is necessary.

My heart is different from your heart, but we both come from places of love. Even so, with all our good intentions, we still do not meet. You show up 20 minutes late to the platform and I have already taken the first train out. But in your defense, you weren’t late, you were right on time. It’s no one’s fault really, and that’s the key—to stop placing blame. Endings, just as beginnings, are natural. The obsession with who was in the right and who was in the wrong comes from a desire to pass judgment on one another. This judgment serves as an anesthetic to the pain we’re feeling. But it’s temporary, and when it wears off we’re still left feeling it—sometimes more than we did before. Endings are transformative. We should be grateful for whatever experience we had because when we live presently we learn constantly, and all lessons are valuable. Take comfort in knowing you didn’t choose wrong. You didn’t mess up again. You didn’t trust too soon. Breathe. Reflect. Accept. Release.

And who knows, maybe someday (if you’re lucky) my connecting train will be delayed. You’ll unknowingly board the same car and take the seat across from me. I’ll smile. You’ll smile. Closure reminds me not to count on it, but Serendipity says God, that sure would be dreamy.

Goodnight.

mindful magic.


Today I painted my room. It’s a light green, but greener than pictured here. Green has always been my favorite color. It was the color of my first high school prom dress. It’s the color of my mother’s eyes. It’s the color of healing, renewal, the heart chakra & the earth. On a not so deep level, it’s also the color of money, and I happen to like that too. Sue me.


As you can tell by the paint in my hair (try not to judge my skills too harshly), the last thing I am when it comes to DIY projects is neat. I get messy, all wrapped up in it and often, never finish. Actually, most times it’s a miracle I even start. Which gets me to today’s topic: purpose.

What is your purpose? Now, I don’t mean philosophically in terms of humanity & our existence as a whole, so don’t panic. What I mean is what is your purpose in reading this? How is this serving you? Are you in the moment? Or did you just click a link because you’ve been browsing your Facebook feed for hours on and off looking for something new and BAM! I’ve got it for you.

All I’m saying is, do things and actively think about them when you’re doing them. It’s the most basic principle of mindfulness. It sounds so simple, but how many times a day are you on autopilot? Going through the motions. Maybe if you thought more about what you were doing, you’d be more inclined to do things that bring you joy. Maybe you’d realize you are already doing things every day that bring you joy, you just haven’t taken the time to acknowledge that and be grateful for it.

“Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
Vietnamese Buddhist monk & zen master

Imagine, acknowledging something as simple as breathing. If that’s too heady for you, how about cooking your breakfast? “Frying eggs, I know that I am frying eggs.” Silly right?! Or does that one simple sentence lead to more?

I’m frying eggs because I have a roof over my head with a kitchen that I share with wonderful roommates, who encourage me, help me, accept me and love me. I have this food to eat because I paid for it by working a job that I love and fills me with a sense of freedom I didn’t know I’d ever be lucky enough to even taste. I’m going to eat these eggs to fuel my body. My body, who I have used and abused for so long. My body, who I always manage to find some fault with, even though it always comes through for me. Maybe I should be kinder to it, and be smarter about who I let near it. For all of these thoughts, I am grateful. And for all of these things, I am blessed.

See how easy it was to snowball into that?! And you thought frying eggs was no big deal.

I encourage you to use mindful magic to transform your everyday life. It’s certainly transforming mine. If you need inspiration or energy to transform, the planet Pluto stationed direct today. Pluto is the planet of transformation, intensity. It rules Scorpio who rules the 8th house which rules death, sex, taxes & the metaphysical. Scorpios who are always tearing everything down just to build it back up again because they are so full of that transformational Plutonian energy. I encourage you to harness this.

You don’t like it, darling? Demolish it. Build anew with purpose and see it through.