The belief that everything happens for a reason surrenders your own transformational power. Seeking comfort and reassurance from outside sources is helpful, and often necessary for us as social beings. But to be truly comforted and achieve an inner strength that easily weathers ups and downs, the truth we must recognize is that whatever we learn from a situation we learned it because we actively chose to turn a certain thing into something else entirely.
When I reflect on situations where I felt I was wronged or I perceived as painful, I almost always end all of my thoughts with, “But I’m sure this all happened for a reason, a good reason. In fact, it had to of happened for the best! I had to go through this and come out better for it.”
This belief has always comforted me. That in the vast, ever-expanding, wild Universe, there is this intricate blanket woven by an all-knowing entity, a blanket full of enlightening reasons as to why all things happen, good & bad. We can wrap ourselves up in it when we’re feeling cold and lonely, and trust this was all for our benefit, even if it doesn’t seem like it.
So ranting, as I do, to one of my best friend’s aka Lalie aka light of my life aka soul sister aka an absolute QUEEN, I mentioned how I knew everything that happened had happened for a reason, even if I didn’t understand it yet. But her response surprised me, she said, “I don’t necessarily think everything happens for a reason… It’s a sign of how strong and lovely you are that you take the senseless and make sense of them to become stronger… You are a healer, you take the hurts and transform them.”
And low & behold, my most beloved coping mechanism was shattered, but in its wake she left something I needed so much more: the realization that WE are the ones knitting the intricate blanket of reasons. We create the lesson we need to learn by accessing our own transformational power that’s aligned with our highest good, but we often don’t give ourselves credit for that work.
You see, no one’s forcing you to be positive about the shitty things that happened to you. No one is forcing you to reconcile & make peace with the shitty things you’ve done to others. You can just as easily never face them and keep at it if you really want to. But every time you do decide to choose positivity, to grow, to forgive, to love—it’s not the Universe enlightening you, it’s you being enlightened to the Universe that has always existed WITHIN you.
We are all healers on some level, even on the most basic biological level. Our bodies will always instinctively try to fix us, to help us survive & keep going. It’s deeply personal to heal, and I’ll admit that one of my biggest problems is I try to force people who don’t want to heal to heal with me. I fixate on people who resist, which always backfires. When they resist I have a habit of picking at their wounds instead of bandaging them up, sealing them with a kiss & sending them on their way.
To break this habit I need to release my obsession with always knowing someone else’s reasons. Their reasons are their own that they’ve chosen, and if they don’t want to share then I don’t need to know. They are knitting their own blanket to keep warm. Just because they do not share it with me doesn’t mean I have to freeze—I have my own. By realizing this, I no longer need to search for reasons outside myself. I no longer crave validation. I step into my power. The alliance of my open heart & highest good transforms things that hurt into things that heal. No one else can do this for you, because no one else knows your heart like you do.
Whatever reason you need, whatever lesson brings you the most peace, it didn’t come because it was fated to. Your peace, your comfort, your closure, your happiness came because you made a choice to have it. You took your pain and loved it into becoming something else entirely. How magical that is and how incredible you are.